17 computer geek jokes and truisms
We computer geeks are a breed of our own, and as with any group of people with mutual references, we often make jokes and observations that are totally incomprehensible to outsiders.
So consider this post a litmus test. If you laugh at these jokes, then you are most definitely a computer geek.
For computer geeks
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”
Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”
“I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.”
- Antone Roundy
A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor. “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…”
The civil engineer breaks in:
“But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.”
The programmer thinks a bit and then says:
“And who do you think created chaos?”
And a few not quite computer-related bonus jokes
We liked these ones too much to throw them away, so here you are.
A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby.
- Is it a boy or a girl?
A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.”
And finally, this little zinger:
Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.
We’ve been chuckling here at the Pingdom office while putting this together, so we hope you enjoyed this post as much as we did.