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17 computer geek jokes and truisms

Funny
We computer geeks are a breed of our own, and as with any group of people with mutual references, we often make jokes and observations that are totally incomprehensible to outsiders.

So consider this post a litmus test. If you laugh at these jokes, then you are most definitely a computer geek. ;)

For computer geeks

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”

Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”

“I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.”
- Antone Roundy

A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor. “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…”
The civil engineer breaks in:
“But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.”
The programmer thinks a bit and then says:
“And who do you think created chaos?”

And a few not quite computer-related bonus jokes

We liked these ones too much to throw them away, so here you are. :)

A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby.
- Is it a boy or a girl?
- Yes.

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.”

And finally, this little zinger:

Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.

We’ve been chuckling here at the Pingdom office while putting this together, so we hope you enjoyed this post as much as we did.

Sources: Mostly two very, very long Slashdot threads.



15 comments
marin1694
marin1694

We computer geeks are a breed of our own, and as with any group of people with mutual references
are you sure sir???

hack

themechanic
themechanic

You may be smart,but who fixes the mechanical things that make your profession possible?If your car or bus or train or plane or boat breaks down,how do you get to work?Call a cab?They are all down for repair.Work from home?Powers out.The steam turbine that generates electricity is down for repair.THE MECHANIC assigned to fix it is looking in the hardcover PAPER manual for specifications to MACHINE the part on a steam powered lathe(look it up in a PAPER dictionary!)to fix the turbine to restore electricity.I could on on and on about how much I hate computers,I got through life just fine for over 40 years w/o a PC.I'm looking forward to any responses

iNet
iNet

LOL… I would also like to share some of my favorites: COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’… A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”

Gary
Gary

I've heard the lottery joke before. I prefer to think of it as donating to furthering education, with a discrete possibility of living high on the hog forever.

Kevin
Kevin

"Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math." I like this joke. I am always wondering that why so many people are indulged in lotteries, based on the fact that the chance to win is so slim. I am a young painter from China, specializing in creating different kind of oil paintings. Look forward to making friends who love painting.

Denis
Denis

Ha-ha-ha. Thanks guys. Realy funny . End realy for computer geeks.

Bryce
Bryce

No, I am not currently wearing the "10 types of people" shirt... :) Great list of jokes.

Amy
Amy

really funny stuff there. :-)

Christiane
Christiane

I actually never considered myself a computer geek. but these jokes are hilarious ;-) thanks!

jacobian
jacobian

really funny stuff there. :-)

theprogrammer
theprogrammer

@themechanic  Whether you got on fine or not is irrelevant. The world got on fine without electricity before. It got on fine without a lot of stuff we developed over the past thousand years. It's not about your personal convenience, it's about the advancement of civilization. The world doesn't revolve around making people happy, it's a mix of our happiness and our progression. If we all did what you do and just went "we don't need computers, or any advance in tech" then we'd just settle down in to a world that is in an endless cycle: People born, people get jobs, people die. How dull would that be? We create these things so that we may progress as a species and become more powerful and influential in the universe, lest we die out a boring, pointless existence.


Also: I hate it when people do this whole "COMPUTERS WOULDN'T WORK WITHOUT MECHANICS". When did we ever say programmers contributed more than mechanics? Why are you even trying to create conflict there? No one ever said mechanics weren't needed, I just don't see the point in that argument. Mechanics are needed for the physical part and programmers are required for the logical part. It's not about who's better, you're supposed to be on the same team here. Stop trying to create fights with your own side.