10 Computer Geek Jokes and Truisms

Funny
We computer geeks are a breed of our own, and as with any group of people with mutual references, we often make jokes and observations that are totally incomprehensible to outsiders.

So consider this post a litmus test. If you laugh at these jokes, then you are most definitely a computer geek.

Note: In case you needed to assess your geekiness even more thoroughly, see if you like these awesome license plates for computer geeks.

Jokes for computer geeks:

 

1.

If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

 

2.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

 

3.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

 

4.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”

 

5.

Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

 

6.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

 

7.

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”

 

8.

“I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.”
– Antone Roundy

 

9.

The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said: Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

 

10.

A programmer’s wife tells him, “While you’re at the grocery store, buy some eggs.” He never comes back.

And a few not quite computer-related bonus jokes:

 

We liked these ones too much to throw them away, so here you are.

 

A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby.
– Is it a boy or a girl?
– Yes.

 

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions.”

 

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.”

 

We’ve been chuckling here at the Pingdom office while putting this together, just as we did when we compiled our favorite software Easter eggs, so we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

And if you’re looking for even more geeky content, be sure to check out how developers obsess about code names and the history of computer data storage in pictures.

Sources: Mostly two very, very long Slashdot threads.

Note: This article first appeared on this blog back in 2010, and we slightly touched up the jokes listed here.

11 comments

  1. “Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.” I like this joke. I am always wondering that why so many people are indulged in lotteries, based on the fact that the chance to win is so slim. I am a young painter from China, specializing in creating different kind of oil paintings. Look forward to making friends who love painting.

  2. I’ve heard the lottery joke before. I prefer to think of it as donating to furthering education, with a discrete possibility of living high on the hog forever.

  3. LOL… I would also like to share some of my favorites:

    COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key

    Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’…

    A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”

  4. You may be smart,but who fixes the mechanical things that make your profession possible?If your car or bus or train or plane or boat breaks down,how do you get to work?Call a cab?They are all down for repair.Work from home?Powers out.The steam turbine that generates electricity is down for repair.THE MECHANIC assigned to fix it is looking in the hardcover PAPER manual for specifications to MACHINE the part on a steam powered lathe(look it up in a PAPER dictionary!)to fix the turbine to restore electricity.I could on on and on about how much I hate computers,I got through life just fine for over 40 years w/o a PC.I’m looking forward to any responses

  5. themechanic  Whether you got on fine or not is irrelevant. The world got on fine without electricity before. It got on fine without a lot of stuff we developed over the past thousand years. It’s not about your personal convenience, it’s about the advancement of civilization. The world doesn’t revolve around making people happy, it’s a mix of our happiness and our progression. If we all did what you do and just went “we don’t need computers, or any advance in tech” then we’d just settle down in to a world that is in an endless cycle: People born, people get jobs, people die. How dull would that be? We create these things so that we may progress as a species and become more powerful and influential in the universe, lest we die out a boring, pointless existence.

    Also: I hate it when people do this whole “COMPUTERS WOULDN’T WORK WITHOUT MECHANICS”. When did we ever say programmers contributed more than mechanics? Why are you even trying to create conflict there? No one ever said mechanics weren’t needed, I just don’t see the point in that argument. Mechanics are needed for the physical part and programmers are required for the logical part. It’s not about who’s better, you’re supposed to be on the same team here. Stop trying to create fights with your own side.

  6. themechanic  Whether you got on fine or not is irrelevant. The world got on fine without electricity before. It got on fine without a lot of stuff we developed over the past thousand years. It’s not about your personal convenience, it’s about the advancement of civilization. The world doesn’t revolve around making people happy, it’s a mix of our happiness and our progression. If we all did what you do and just went “we don’t need computers, or any advance in tech” then we’d just settle down in to a world that is in an endless cycle: People born, people get jobs, people die. How dull would that be? We create these things so that we may progress as a species and become more powerful and influential in the universe, lest we die out a boring, pointless existence.

    Also: I hate it when people do this whole “COMPUTERS WOULDN’T WORK WITHOUT MECHANICS”. When did we ever say programmers contributed more than mechanics? Why are you even trying to create conflict there? No one ever said mechanics weren’t needed, I just don’t see the point in that argument. Mechanics are needed for the physical part and programmers are required for the logical part. It’s not about who’s better, you’re supposed to be on the same team here. Stop trying to create fights with your own side.

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